Do you want to save the children? Of course..we all do. With so much pain and suffering in the world, wouldn't you like to know that you could make a difference in the life of one boy or girl? You have the power to reach out and save lives..don't miss your opportunity to become a hero. Here's how:
For just the amount that it would cost you to have a decent espresso or mocha cappucino at Starbucks, you could reach out and touch the life of a struggling arrogant suburbanite whose parents can't afford to make their Mercedes payment this month. With the ever-rising cost of a college education and the outrageous insurance payments necessary to drive even the rustiest car in the state of New Jersey, these young adults are suffering to make ends meet. But, there is a solution. You can help. When you donate $1 to the *~ Broadway Cafe ~*, in conjunction with the *~ Save The Snobbish Suburbanites ~* fund, you have the power to change the world. We're not promising you any sort of reward from helping us. You won't get rich from your investment (That number again is 1-800-I-LUV-BILLG!), and beautiful college women won't be on your telephone begging for dates (For more information, send letters and/or pornographic pictures to Alayna@loveable.com.) No. The only satisfaction that comes from your generosity is
knowing you've somehow touched the lives of America's impoverished junior executives and struggling debutantes. Here are some testimonials from people whose lives have been forever changed by people like you.
"Without the help of the SSF, I don't know what I'd do. Last weekend I was on my way to this great party where I knew I was going to see this hot guy from Princeton, and, can you believe it: my nails were chipped and I had spent my last $20 on Thai cuisine from this great restaurant! It was only thanks to my sponsor at the SSF that I made it through the ordeal. Thanks, SSF, for changing my life!"
--- Naomi, Boston, MA
You see? One person can make a difference. Has this page touched your heart? Read on to find out how to make your completely tax-deductible charitable contribution, or scroll down to read the Frequently Asked Questions.
To make your contribution to society, mail $1.00 US funds to:
Well, did you really think we'd tell you that here? For the location of the classified location of this project's location, e-mail us at ssf@millionaire.theshoppe.com. We'll gladly tell you where to send the money. If you are in any way related to Bill Clinton, we may have convincing evidence that will inspire you to be a little more generous with your donation. Members of the Mafia Crime Syndicate are ineligible to contribute.
Well, did you really think we'd tell you that here? For the location of the classified location of this project's location, e-mail us at ssf@millionaire.theshoppe.com. We'll gladly tell you where to send the money. If you are in any way related to Bill Clinton, we may have convincing evidence that will inspire you to be a little more generous with your donation. Members of the Mafia Crime Syndicate are ineligible to contribute.
No checks, foreign currency, or counterfeit bills you wish to hide from the government, please. (For more information on money laundering and defrauding the U.S. Government, contact your nearest Mafia Crime Syndicate representative, or dial 1-800-NY-GUIDO. That number,again,is 1-800-NY-GUIDO.) Cash or money order accepted. In fact, it couldn't be easier. Send $1.00 today and you'll recieve a coupon for a free mocha at Borders. (Offer is not legally binding and not affiliated with Borders or its associates. In fact, you'll receive a Post-It note which someone has drawn a picture of coffee on.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
There is no catch. This page is here to make you feel better about yourself, and to help you do your part in becoming a selfless, caring member of society.
Why the hell should I send you a dollar?
We are not going to make you send a dollar to support our cause. We are not here to seduce you, guilt trip you,
or scam you out of your precious dollar. In fact, for all we know, you and most of your cheapskate friends will never send a
dollar. However, your conscience will eat away at you. You will
wake up in a cold sweat every night, and wonder why you haven't sent
a dollar. The telephone will ring, and you will shiver with fear at the thought of your irresponsible neglect. Your worst nightmares will become true. You will hesitate
to buy that cup of coffee in the morning because that same dollar
could go towards something far more important. You will walk to work every morning for fear of starting the engine of your car, and you will know that somewhere, somehow, someone will find you.
You will pack up your family and move to a small town in Wisconsin where you will live on cheese and snow cones, and still, you will have no peace. You will live with the torment of knowing that when it was your
responsibility to help someone, you left them to die because you wanted to buy a Boston Cream Doughnut on your way to work. When you think about it now, was that doughnut really worth it?
Send the dollar. You'll sleep better.
